Ransom Notes

I would invent “The Great Do-Over”. I would penalize the lenders who made the mortgages that became toxic and let them take the losses. This would include banks, securities firms, and the like. If, for example, a bank gave someone a $500,000 mortgage on their principal residence and that house or condo was now worth $400,000, I would adjust the mortgage balance down to 80% of that new value for a balance of $320,000 and cap the mortgage interest rate at 8%. The bank would have to take the hit and bear the loss for the collapse of an over-valued mortgage. In addition, the 20% equity injection into the home would generally cost the bank less than if the home went through foreclosure. Under this strategy, the homeowner would be given another chance, be absolved of a tax consequence, and the bank would have a properly capitalized asset and a performing loan. It would be a one-time homeowner “do-over”. This would apply to all homeowners with negative equity in their home and not just those who are delinquent. And for this one-time benefit, the homeowner would be prohibited from refinancing this residence or selling it for seven years.  By embedding equity back into these houses, one hopes that people will maintain their homes and their neighborhoods in order to preserve this reversal of fortune. (If someone owned more than one house, this “do-over” would only apply to his or her principal residence.) Let the banks or financial institutions that made these loans, their stockholders, and the professionals who should have known better suffer their own handiwork and let ordinary people get on with their lives without fear of losing the roof over their heads.

In the past year, the largest financial institutions have been recapitalized by the Federal Reserve with over one trillion dollars now sitting fallow in their reserve accounts. We must stop the negative feedback loop spiraling us toward a new Depression and place the blame on the people who are to blame. It is time for the banks to face the music and take the losses, and to get the great, industrious, and caring people of America back doing what they do best rather than living in fear of losing their home or reputation. It is time to move this country ahead. It is time for “The Great Do-Over” and tomorrow wouldn’t be too soon.

Be sure to note that these are the best hit songs, so your favorite deep cut off of an Animal Collective record does not qualify. These are all amazing songs that managed to crack into the mainstream. Also, remember that these are the opinions of Matthew J. Swanson, and not the opinions of everyone at Thirsty. So, on with the list . . .

10. “No One Knows” by QOTSA: To me, QOTSA’s third record was a bit of a disappointment (and every successive record has been worse), but this song, with Dave Grohl’s thunderous drumming, was a definite bright spot. Their first two albums were two of the best heavy rock records of all time, but they didn’t have a big enough hit on them to qualify for the list. Still, this song kicks major ass.

9. “Jesus, Etc” by Wilco: I suppose the hit off this record was “Heavy Metal Drummer,” but that song, while it is a lot of fun, is not at all representative of the wonderfully somber sound of this album, nor is it among the best cuts on “Yankee Hotel Foxtrot.” That being said, I think that so many people bought this record, that most everyone knows “Jesus, Etc.” too, right? No? Well, maybe not, but you can’t keep “Foxtrot” off a list like this.

8. “Someday” by The Strokes: I’ll admit that “Last Night” was a bigger hit than this one, but I always liked this one better. I still think “Someday” was a big enough hit to qualify, and also the video had The Strokes playing “Family Feud” against Guided By Voices, and there’s nothing wrong with that. This record was like the great rock hope when it came out, it made many best records of the 2000’s list, and with good reason.

7. “Bohemian Like You” by The Dandy Warhols. I remember hearing this one in the car just as I was parking, and I stayed there listening the whole time to hear who was singing it. The Dandy Warhols! What a terrific name. This album was really good too, easily their best, and this song still sounds fun and can really pump you up. “Bohemian” was questionable as to whether it was a hit in the true sense of the word, but I’ve heard it in two or three different commercials, so I think it qualifies.

6. “Yeah!” by Usher: I can’t remember another song that would come on at the bar/club, and everyone would start dancing, or dance harder if they were already dancing – and I can’t remember a song quite like that since, at least not a hit dance song that continued to have that impact for a full year like this one seemed to.

5. “Parabola” by Tool. “Schism” was perhaps a more popular song, but this one’s better – that guitar outro alone should put it on just about any list of goodness. These guys don’t get enough credit for being extremely talented and making some of the most interesting, progressive, heavy music around. It could be argued that their stuff is as good and in some cases better than 1980’s hey-day Metallica (their first five albums). Maynard writes tremendous lyrics too: “This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality. Embrace this moment; remember, we are eternal; all this pain is an illusion.” Man, that sounds like what I had to tell myself every few days when I hated myself in high school . . .

4. “Crazy” by Gnarls Barkley: You have to admit that no one sounded quite like these guys. I saw them live, and it was a trip to hear unbelievably soulful sounds coming out of a 5’5” goofy looking dude (Cee-Lo), to see Danger Mouse orchestrating everything from behind his keyboard, rocking his big afro, and on some songs they had good looking girls playing violins, affectionately called, The G-Strings. This song has everything: It’s an R & B type song, yet it has a haunting nature and a heaviness to it. “Crazy” still sounds amazing and important.

3. “Do You Realize” by Flaming Lips: This song goes beyond just being a great song, which it is, but it has something to say. Wayne Coyne always has something to say with his lyrics, and at a live show, when he stops to talk, you actually give a shit – you’re not just saying, “All right, get back to the music.” His message makes you feel like you’re part of a cult, and all the fuzzy animals do not make you think it’s an all together sane cult to be a part of, yet Wayne makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside, not unlike a warm and fuzzy bear suit. It’s not a stretch to say this song, with its powerful live ‘life while you’re still alive’ message, is one of the most important songs in rock music since “Imagine” by John Lennon. Yeah, deal with that.

2. “Hey Ya!” by Outkast: I remember substitute teaching in a poor all Black neighborhood on the West Side of Chicago, and I heard a student singing the vocal part during the breakdown of “Hey Ya!,” “You know what to do-oooo.” It got me thinking, this is a song that reached everyone. The hipsters liked it because Outkast is a rap group that gets lots of praise from critics, the hip hop folk like it because it fucking bumps, little kids liked it cause it was perfectly quirky, silly, and fun, and the old folks like it because it sounds like a song that would be made if Sly Stone were making his best stuff in the 2000’s. It has universal appeal, and it’s good, unlike “Smooth” by Rob Thomas and Santana, which had a lot of crossover appeal, but it was undeniably dorky.

1. “Float On” by Modest Mouse: This was the song of the summer when it came out, and as it happens, it was the most miserable summer of my life. However, it was one of those songs that could perk me up when I was feeling down, which was most of the time, and it still has that effect. It’s a lot like what “Don’t You Worry ‘Bout a Thing” by Stevie Wonder or “Lovely Day” by Bill Withers were to the 1970’s, and it’s saying something that “Float” is still a great feel good song years later, just like those other two; and that’s great company. Put it on. I dare you. Try to feel shitty.